Destroyed

Sigh, it’s that moment again…

That moment when you’re getting somewhere…

When you notice that your legs are noticeably thinner and more muscular.

When you notice that your stomach is flatter.

When you notice that your face is smaller

When you notice that your neck fat isn’t bulging

When you notice that your arms are thinner…

 

And then all Hell breaks loose and you let yourself go and you undo all that hard work that you did. And I’m talking all hell broke loose.

Now, sure people may think “come on, you can’t destroy all that hard work from one meal….from one day?”

How about from a weekend where I didn’t do Insanity both days (sigh i know) and was a couch potato basically and the second day ate whatever I wanted to my heart’s content.

And then it happens. Where you ate so much that even though you don’t feel disgusting (indigestion or what not) but you feel disgusted in your mind and soul

because you feel so ashamed that you couldn’t be stronger….That you let yourself listen to your emotions rather than your logic. And now, I can visibly see that my legs, stomach, face, neck, and arms are back to how they normally were. You might be thinking this is such an over exaggeration, that there’s absolutely no way. Unfortunately, it’s true. Not just my eyes. But it’s true.

And tomorrow I’m going to Orlando, Florida – Disney World and Universal Studios (Harry Potter World) and here I am getting fat all over again before my flight….

What is wrong with me?  I can’t seem to focus or get anything done. I can’t seem to force myself to finish a work out even though I justified all this by saying that I would. I can’t seem to fall asleep lately either…my sleep schedule is all messed up…

Maybe I should have gone home for Thanksgiving break. Or we should have left earlier….Shoulda woulda coulda…

I know that I shouldn’t beat myself up over this, and yet I can’t seem to forgive myself.

I realized that I definitely cannot live alone or be alone for so long…

People say that they stay still and don’t get hungry then. I get hungry when I am still…like what?

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